Han Solo – A Study in Manliness

The long title of this little essay is actually ‘Han Solo of Empire Strikes Back and Han Solo of Return of the Jedi – A Study in Manliness.’ Now this is not meant to be a Star Wars fanboy thing. It is just that Han Solo, in these two movies, presents two contrasting personalities that have different effects on girls in real life. We can see fairly well the “Do’s” and the “Do Not’s” in interacting with girls, by studying Han the Man and Han the Woman.

Accounting for the different personalities in the two movies is the different set of screenwriters. By ‘Return of the Jedi,’ it looks like George Lucas had been drawn to the dark side of selling out and merchandise. On the way, he turned one of the coolest characters in film history into an utter loser.

What are the traits of Han in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ that impress us so much? Well, apart from his being a courageous fighter and pilot, we see the manner by which he has Princess Leia wrapped around his finger. From the very start, it is Leia trying to get his attention. And how does Han respond? With the sarcastic title, “Your Highnessness,” when bothering to respond to Leia that is. And Han wastes no time in playing with Leia’s attraction to him, telling her to tell him that she needs him. Even when Leia calls him a scoundrel, he only takes this as a sign to get closer. It is obvious that Leia has little choice in the matter. She is utterly taken in by Han the Man.

Now what do we have in ‘Return of the Jedi’? Aside from the annoying Ewoks and the lame ‘conversion’ of Darth Vader back into the Jedi fold, we have this shell of a man once known as Han Solo, demanding attention and sharing of thoughts from Leia. What’s more, he is jealous that Leia appears to like Luke – who turns out to be her brother – more than Han. He even throws a hissy fit about it, before meekly apologizing. Later on, when the Empire is finally defeated, Han says that he won’t get in the way of Leia and Luke becoming an item. How needy and pathetic is that?

If we only consider the plotline and forget the change of screenwriters, we can only conclude that something within the carbonite that Han was encased in in the interim of ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ and ‘Return of the Jedi’ made him grow a vagina, to become an unattractive, needy, desperate Nancy.


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